The history of flirting is a long and seductive tale, stretching back to the first stolen glance across a primitive cave lit by fire.
Long before language was conceived, we were flirting. It has been employed as a social tool since the dawn of creation, from insects to fish to birds and all mammals. Now, let us step back in time to the Victorian and Edwardian eras when the sport of flirting was given its own instructional manuals.
Valentine postcard, postmarked in 1916. ACHM Collection
There’s something in my eye …
The first step in flirting is most often establishing eye contact, and it can include a wink or a raise of the eyebrow. Prior to the 20th century, women would very subtly indicate their interest in a person by perhaps batting their eyelashes or even dropping a handkerchief. Victorian-era ladies could use a book, a fan, or even a pencil to help them flirt. Is the book she’s holding leaning against her knee? She’s asking you for a conversation. Is she holding the book upside down? Why, she’s asking if you love her! Many pamphlets, booklets, and cards were published during this time (mid to late 1800s) that advised a lady on how best to woo her paramour. One such helpful pamphlet was entitled “The Standard Beau Catcher, Containing: Flirtations of the fan, eye, glove, parasol, cigar, knife and fork, handkerchief, window telegraphy and language of flowers.” Learning all of those flirting signals makes modern online dating look a bit less daunting!
A Leap Year’s Valentine postcard, 1916. One of the legends surrounding a Leap Year day (February 29) is that a woman may flip the table on traditional gender roles and propose to the man of her affection. ACHM Collection
A fan does more than keep you cool.
In an age when her every behavior was scrutinized, a lady used every tool available to communicate her feelings in a discreet manner, and a fan helped her to accomplish this with elegance. Should she carry it in her left hand, she is desirous of your acquaintance; not to be confused with her right hand, which indicates “You are too willing.” A potential suitor would also not wish to see his love interest twirling her fan in either hand, for in the left hand it meant “I wish to get rid of you” and in her right hand she is saying “I love another.”
How about this for a Victorian fan? This fortune-telling fan (pictured) comes from the archives at the Aiken County Historical Museum. It is something akin to the Magic 8-Balls™ and paper fortune-tellers (aka chatterboxes) of our childhoods. One would ask the fan a question such as “What sort of husband shall I have?” or “Will I be successful in matters of the heart?” and receive a short answer on the opposite side of the fan. Fans were often associated with the machinations of romance, which is most likely why this fortune-telling fan in the Museum’s collection gives the owner love advice. These were popular in the 19th century and saw a resurgence in the 1950s and 60s.
Romantic Victorian-era fortune-telling fan made by the Martin Gillet & Company to advertise their tea company, 1870. ACHM Collection
The modernization of flirting.
Over the years, flirting has evolved from a careful, measured look to getting straight to the point, thanks in large part to the success of feminist movements in the middle of the 20th century. By the 1970s, North American and European women became much more direct in their flirting, causing some confusion in both genders about how exactly to play the flirting game within their newly equalized roles. And how does weather affect your flirting game? Studies show that in warmer climes casual flirting abounds, while in colder areas flirting is more serious because people tend to make less eye contact.
So the next time you wink at your server to get a quicker refill, just know you are participating in the one of the oldest forms of human communication. One that every ancestor you’ve had practiced, and thankfully so, dear reader, as you’re here to stay curious with us!
