I had my first encounter with Thomas at the Francis Marion Hotel in Charleston when he introduced me as the newly crowned Miss Chaleston (he dropped the r). It was so perfectly Southern. Knowing he judged pageants, I called him to ask if he would be interested in judging the Miss Charleston Pageant. I wanted to make a great impression so I acted queenly and mature. Here is how the conversation went: “Hello,” I said. “Hello,” Thomas said. Then we had some small talk. “What have you been doing?” I asked. Are you ready for this answer? This is exactly what he said: “Artificially inseminating my beef cattle.” Now, I