Every family has traditions that mark special occasions, and how families handle them builds connections.
We humans are amazing creatures of habit. We love the predictable and seek routine even though we frequently complain about being in a rut. We go on vacation only to long for home to sleep in our own beds, see our friends and family, and re-engage in our lives. Every nation, tribe, culture, and subculture establishes rituals and traditions that are unique and help define its individual, family, and group identity. Every family has traditions that mark special occasions, and how families handle them builds connections. One of the many casualties of the COVID restrictions has been the disruption of many of our traditions that help ground and connect us. The innumerable changes to how we live has left us all feel unsettled at one time or another. We are confronted with figuring out how to adjust to the ongoing uncertainty. Fortunately, there are several ways we can adapt and learn to flourish despite what 2020 has thrown at us.
Honor old traditions in a new way.
High school proms and graduations, the spring and summer wedding seasons, and summer family vacations are just some examples of time honored traditions that have been upended by crazy 2020. Birthdays, weddings, and baby showers now often require that guests drive by to drop off presents.
My niece was married by double proxy in April because neither the bride nor the groom could travel for the wedding. The honeymoon had to wait four months, until the groom left military service and could leave his duty station. There will be an official ceremony with family, pending any new restrictions, in December. They are now figuring out how to mark their anniversary — will it be when they were officially married or when the ceremony was held? Or will they celebrate both?
It’s not the same, but we are still able to honor our loved ones. Fight the tendency to compare this year to years past, and find new ways to let people know we care about them. For holiday or family meals, change up who makes certain dishes or what dishes are served. Consider having a “2020” version of a tradition, because everything else seems to have changed. Traditions sometimes start by accident, but they are never sustained by accident. Don’t let “different” become a barrier to remembering or honoring what and who is important.
Be intentional.
Thanksgiving is upon us. This is a perfect time to re-examine what we do and why we do it. It is easy to repeat what we’ve always done out of habit and tradition. When we can’t celebrate the usual way, we get frustrated. Instead, choose the most meaningful aspects of the holiday and focus on them. For instance, on Thanksgiving, instead of focusing so much on a single meal together, spend time actually giving thanks and expressing gratitude to those who have loved and supported you. Do something kind for your neighbors. Have family members write thank you cards to people who are meaningful to them. Write thank you cards to First Responders and deliver them. Gratitude is an incredibly powerful emotion that helps both the giver and the receiver. There are many ways to keep traditions if we are purposeful.
Stay flexible.
One saying I learned in the Army was “Semper Gumbi,” always flexible. Staying flexible is critical to not becoming overwhelmed. The coming holiday season is a great time to practice this. One challenge to getting together as families is the need to protect the elderly and those more at risk. Some people are nervous about travel and may not even come to family gatherings for fear of getting ill. Being flexible means finding an alternate way to stay connected. There are many online options for bringing people together from a distance. During most of my engagement to my wife, we lived across the country from each other. For dates, we would get a meal from the same restaurant, watch the same movie, and talk on the phone. It may sound pretty pathetic now, but that was all we had before the internet. Another valuable saying from my military time is “improvise, adapt, and overcome.” It would be easy to skip some traditions because of the COVID related restrictions. Don’t let the rituals of a tradition become barriers to enjoying yourself. This is a great opportunity to re-examine what and how we carry out our traditions and to re-imagine meaningful events. Try starting from scratch and approaching it as if it were the first time for a specific tradition.
Start new traditions.
All traditions have a beginning, and they are rarely scripted ahead of time. John Adams was convinced that America’s independence would be celebrated every year on July 3, the day the Continental Congress voted to approve the Declaration of Independence. No one 200 years ago could have predicted the sheer scope of festivities that now occur on July 4. Traditions typically mark festive, important holidays, but there are several that mark significant transitions and less happy times. You could develop COVID-time traditions to honor what you and your family have experienced in 2020. Take some time to step back and consider how your life has changed since the middle of March, then brainstorm about how you can honor how you have sacrificed as well as how you have persevered. Pain, change, and discomfort are valuable teachers, especially when we get some distance and gain some perspective on the situation.
However it is that you decide to celebrate the upcoming holiday months, remember the reason for your traditions. Revise old ones, create new ones, stay flexible with this year’s changes, and most of all, enjoy your time with friends and family.
