“But it’s a tradition … because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do.”
Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof
Traditions are funny things. They occur one moment at a time over a lifetime, and often we don’t even realize they are happening.
I remember our granddaughter’s face crumbling into tears one Thanksgiving Day when I mentioned that I had prepared a different sweet potato casserole than our usual. The 4-year-old sobbed, “But Mimi! We always have the one with marshmallows on top!” Guess whose Mimi beat a path to the kitchen to make a real sweet potato casserole!
Traditions are nothing to mess around with! People get very upset when the solid things in life, like holiday habits, change. Family traditions serve to draw members in for comfort and belonging, things most humans crave.
Creating Family Traditions
Traditions may include any repeatable event that a group enjoys: apple picking in the fall, lighting a menorah for the holidays, a special birthday cake or meal, or a precious piece of jewelry passed down on a wedding day. Something as routine as family dinner or game night can be a vehicle for gathering family or friends in a way all ages can enjoy. I know one grandmother who sewed a unique baby blanket for each of her grandchildren as they were born. Many of the blankets survived to be passed on to great grandchildren. Such a special gift!
The good thing about traditions is that new ones can always be added. Any observation to lend spirit to an occasion that will nourish the family or group can create memories for all present. There is no reason to confine new traditions to the holidays. Why not create some new ones that fit your family or group of friends? Create traditions that appeal to you and others in the group. It’s also important to try to stick with them even when things get busy.
Many families volunteer as an expression of their family values — they do things for others in the community and build empathy in the process. Often there is an item in the family that contains some historical importance from the past with a story behind it. By gathering and retelling the story, in a specific time, interest is built and, hopefully, carried on. These things give opportunities to share a related history.
Tweaking Traditions
In time of COVID-19, some traditions may need to be tweaked. Will we have Thanksgiving dinner in the driveway or garage so a neighbor or two can be included? What about a pre-arranged Zoom meeting for a Boxing Day get-together for those who can’t be with us on Christmas? Exchanging hand written notes or cards for Valentine’s Day by snail mail? Leaving a singing birthday voicemail from your family to an elderly relative is a gift that will last as long as he or she wants to listen to it.
Our traditions impact how we enjoy life and serve as reminders of the comfort and security of familiar connections. Research shows that engaging in traditions helps bond members to each other and serves as a source of identity for all.
Some Reasons Traditions are Important:
- Role models are revisited when we spend time together.
- Celebrations allow us to create lasting memories and refresh old ones.
- They serve as time to reflect and enjoy each other in meaningful ways. This is important to keep relationships from fading and disappearing altogether.
- Traditional bonds and rituals establish good foundations, especially for children.
- Touching base on a regular basis gives everyone involved something to look forward to.
- Sharing holidays reinforces family values.
- Traditions serve to reconnect relatives and friends.
- Traditions emphasize the importance of accepting one another.
