The man enters the theater. Alone. Just like always.
Soles smack on the sticky floor. Heavy ghosts of buttered popcorn haunt the aisles.
He sits in the back corner. Just like always.
It takes a certain moxie to go the movies alone. And our guy is chock-full of it.
The theater is his place to be alone. It is his sanctuary — his refuge.
In the dark of the theater, he is anonymous. The lights dim, and the first preview begins.
The first image we see is a young man in a suit and tie. He’s wearing a name tag for a company called Global Spectrum. He’s meeting with another man at the Aiken Convocation Center. The other man is older, looks like a lawyer. They shake hands.
Narrator, in the serious movie guy voice: From the producers of the ‘Social Network’ and the writer of ‘Wall Street’, comes a story about a dream.
We see the young man take off his name tag and gaze pensively into the distance, as if pondering some fantastic but unlikely idea. His eyes go wild, then a smile breaks out, takes over his whole face. He makes a phone call. A woman answers.
Narrator: A tale of American ingenuity that shows us of power of determination.
The woman on the phone seems to be giving him advice; there’s a real step-mom vibe to her. In the next scene, the young man is in his kitchen. There’s a laptop and an iPad on the table. He sits down to work, when his landlord, played by Alec Baldwin, walks in and demands his rent. “You’re never gonna make it. In this economy? You’ll never make it!” he says, in a Boston accent for some reason.
Narrator: It’s the story of the man who reinvented the understanding of what a marketing firm can be.
Next we see the young man talking to a board room full of old men in suits. The board members are all cloaked in shadow, their identities hiding in plain sight. The young man paces the room. He stops at the head of the table and pounds his fist. “Our company will be different! Every employee is an owner. As a member — you just participate. But — as an owner, you’ll stop to pick up the trash!” There are audible gasps from the old men.
Narrator: This is the story of Alison South.
In the final shot, we see the young man, hanging out with his friend, played by John Hamm. They’re wearing expensive looking suits and having drinks at Aiken Brew Pub. “You’ve basically created a franchise growth model for a marketing firm. You can move the HQ anywhere you want. New York? London? Tulsa? Why stay in Aiken?” inquires John Hamm. “Because,” says the young man, “Aiken’s amazing. Everyone here is so welcoming, ever since I moved here, back in ’06.” “Just think — if you had never quit your old job, you would have never known what you could do,” says John Hamm, handsomely.
Narrator: Alec Baldwin, John Hamm, and Mike Thomas star in ‘Leap of Faith’, coming this summer.
Our guy readjusts in his seat. His Regal movie card has already paid for itself — along with the brilliant idea of asking for gift cards to the concession stand in lieu of traditional Christmas and birthday gifts. He opens a box of candy, but doesn’t eat any, just gets it ready for later.
Narrator, in the lighted hearted movie guy voice: Mike never wanted the spotlight…
A young boy sits at his desk at school. The teacher, an over exaggerated compilation of the worst teachers you’ve ever had is scolding him. “Just because your hotshot dad has his own radio show, that doesn’t mean you’re some rock star!”
Narrator: He always preferred to be behind the scenes…
The young boy, now a teenager, is having lunch with his best friend, played by one of those kids from ‘Stranger Things’. “You’re just an errand boy; why do you still work at that radio station?” asks the friend. “You’ll see …” he replies.
Narrator: Clint Eastwood presents another film for his hit or miss directing resume…
Next we see the young boy, now a young man. He is riding a horse down South Boundary Street; beside him, on a dark stallion, is Trace Atkins. “Where does it end?” asks Trace, “you’ve already worked behind the scenes of some amazing acts — what’s the pinnacle?” “You and I both know who the biggest and the best is,” replies the young man. “Billy Joel,” they say in unison.
All of the sudden, Kenny Rogers rides up on a white pony, and in a thick southern accents proclaims, “You’re never gonna make it! ‘The Piano Man’? You’ll never work that show!”
Narrator: Trace Atkins, Kenny Rogers, and Mike Thomas star in ‘Only the Good Die Young’, coming in June.
Our guy sets his soda aside, wise from years of movie viewings that taught him to conserve. Save. Put a little something away for the second half of the movie.
Narrator, in super kid-friendly voice: New, from Pixar! A story about two friends with two very different problems.
A happy man and his daughter are riding in a golf cart in the late afternoon. The cart halts to a stop in front of a horse stable. The man and the little girl feed the horses carrots. Later the man returns to the stable at night. He’s nervous. “What am I going to do? I have to speak at Steeplechase, but I really don’t like microphones,” he says to the horses, expecting no reply. A silver racehorse named Gary, voice by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, replies, “You think you have it bad. My job is to run as fast as I can, but I have to carry a human on my back.”
Narrator: It’s a heartwarming tale the whole family will enjoy …
“I can teach you to speak in public,” says Dwayne, The Rock, the horse. “How is that?” the man asks. “Because … I can talk.” “Good point,” says the man, “And I can teach you the patience it takes to put up with a little human riding your back, ordering you around all day.” “And, how is that?” asks The Rock. “Because … I have a four year old.”
Narrator: Dwayne Johnson and Mike Thomas, in ‘Steeple Chase’, coming this spring.
This is the second time this weekend our guy has been here. His record? Three trips in one weekend. In his signature movie viewing sweatpants and hoodie, he slumps back in his chair, and hopes they don’t show a preview for a TV show — it’s always weird when they do that.
Narrator, in cheesy TV voice: Coming this fall on Fox — comes a new show about a company that gives back.
A group of professionals appears on the screen. They are energetic and upbeat. They are diverse and dedicated to some overwhelming task at hand. We are inside of a work place, but there are no cubicles — the boss doesn’t even have a desk. Everyone is at arm’s reach.
Narrator: Watch as Alison South devotes an entire 24 hours to a nonprofit. Copywriting, video production, marketing, and drama! Can these co-workers survive 24 hours of non-stop work?
Close up on Alison South’s CEO, Mike Thomas, “Yeah … yeah, we do that every year.”
Narrator: From the producers of ‘Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back’ comes — 24 Hours to Help a Nonprofit. Only on Fox.
“I don’t know about Fox. Maybe Netflix … but yeah, we should film that” thinks our guy. “I should offer whoever wrote this a job,” he thought hopefully.
Narrator, in creepy movie guy voice: From the writer of ‘Scream’ and the 2nd cousin of Alfred Hitchcock comes a new level in horror! They seemed like such a happy, normal couple.
A husband and wife walk hand in hand down the streets of Chicago. “I think this may have been the best four-day trip ever,” says the man. “I agree,” says the woman. They kiss and continue walking. From the storm drain, a gold balloon rises, accompanied by a haunting melody “put your arms around me baby, put your arms around me …”
Narrator: There are some things that can’t be forgotten; there are some sins that must not be forgiven.
The couple is now going through security at O’Hare. “I can’t wait to get back to our daughter, and to Aiken,” says the man. The woman smiles. Behind her, a gold balloon rises from a trash can. The man sees it, but remains calm. He hurries his wife toward their terminal. Over the intercom, a haunting tune plays, “shut the door baby, don’t say a word …”
Narrator: There are some secrets that are best left in the past.
The couple is now in their bedroom, having a heated argument. “How could you?” the wife demands to know. “Look, it was 1997, I didn’t even know you yet!” the husband retorts. A gold balloon rises from behind the bed. The man sees it, and is terrified. In the doorway behind him is a figure. It’s some sort of terrifying clown with a puka shell necklace and frosted tips. “I … just want to fly …” he whispers.
Narrator: From the studio that brought you ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ comes the next chapter in terror — ‘I know what … your first concert was’
Flashback to 1997. The husband is a teenager, cruising down the interstate with three friends. “Dude, the venue is still an hour away — you’re never going to make it. In this traffic? You’ll never make it.” “Don’t doubt me bro,” says the protagonist, “We are going to see Sugar Ray!”
Narrator: Starring Ashley Thomas as the wife, Mike Thomas as the husband, and Mark McGrath as the dark secret. Coming straight to video.
Narrator, in normal movie guy voice: And now for our feature presentation.
And then, the movie begins. Mike pours a handful of candy into his palm. The fingers on his free hand find the popcorn. Mike enjoys going to the movies by himself. The theater is his place to be alone. It is his sanctuary — his refuge. In the dark of the theater, he is anonymous.
Although he is really weirded out that all of the previews were about him.
Photo Credit: Christine McKeel
