Allow me to be among the many (hopefully for you it’s many) to wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day.
For those of you who have great Valentine traditions in place, and look forward positively to celebrating the day with that special someone — CONGRATULATIONS! Given the popularity of the day, you are in the vast majority.
For those that haven’t enjoyed the same level of long-term celebration on that day, allow me to shed some light on the challenges we face and the history of how those challenges have evolved. (Note, facts of history are always open to subjective interpretation. Some of those liberties have been exercised by the author.)
In the traditional sense, I have observed many more Valentine’s Days than I have celebrated. A celebration, by definition, is typically a social event involving more than a party of one. Not that you can’t celebrate being alone, but unless someone else is involved, it’s not much of a celebration… unless you’re celebrating someone else’s absence.
We’ve all gone into a restaurant and seen someone sitting alone, having a meal. We may think, “Poor sap, he’s eating alone.” Depending on who you’re with, your enjoyment of their company, and whether your companion picks up the check, your thought could change to “Lucky sap, he’s dining alone.” It all depends on who you’re with and the enjoyment of the occasion. Indeed, celebration or observation.
DISCLAIMER: This piece discusses Celebration vs. Observation for single couples. Married couples or those in an established long-term relationship can follow this advice from old friends up north at the celebration of their 50th Wedding Anniversary. When asked how they did it, the golden anniversary groom said: “Old Man, it’s simple. Every week we go out to dinner. A nice dinner, just like when we first met. Good wine, candlelight, fine dinner, classy restaurant. She goes on Tuesday, I go on Thursday.”
Consider what is involved in a 21st century celebration of Valentine’s Day. Miss any of these, and your prospective celebration turns into an observation with the assurance you will have a “First Valentine’s Date” with a totally different companion next year.
First, you need a Valentine — not the card, the person. If it’s the right person, there may be a card involved. Unlike a wedding anniversary or birthday, Valentine’s Day is the same day every year. This eliminates the risk of “blowing the date” and risking the loss of a potential long-term Valentine. I advised one of my kids, prior to his wedding, that he would only miss his spouse’s birthday or anniversary one time. Thereafter, the other party will ensure the guilty party never forgets.
The next wild card in the 21st century celebration is where to go and what to do. If, like my friend above, your choice involves a dining experience, the choice of the establishment is critical to ensure the occasion is a celebration and not an observation. It’s also good if you go together. While working this decision “as a couple” ensures a successful choice, coming up with a unique surprise location that your companion will enjoy could add some style points. Choose the wrong surprise place with unwelcome menu items and you’re back to observation, not celebration, and possibly dining alone.
Then there’s the issue of attire. This will be driven by the choice of restaurant, but if you out-dress your companion, you make him or her feel out of place. Have your companion out-dress you, and you look like someone rescued from “Single Awareness Day.”
There are other issues involved in the 21st century Valentine’s celebration. Buy a card or not buy a card. Corsage or wrist bouquet. Drive or Uber. Split the tab or pick up the check. The list goes on and on. The obvious risk, because all the restaurants are crowded and everyone is looking his best, is there could be the temptation to upgrade your date. How has it gotten so complex and expensive? Has it always been this way? Expense is directly related to the propensity to impress and, no, it has not always been this way.
Consider the first Valentine’s Day. It took place February 14, 4000 BC at an undisclosed location between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. Valentine’s Day in the Garden of Eden.
What could be better, or more romantic — it’s paradise! No problem with menu choices here. Everything is perfect, and fresh. Preparation is not an issue as the Almighty can prepare your steak Pittsburgh style, to perfection, without killing any animals. There’s an endless supply of food and idyllic surroundings. There’s no chance of infidelity because there are only two people. No problem with dress code — the only two there are naked. There are no credit cards, and pretty much no place to carry cash comfortably.
Some while later, the Romans got the naming rights for the event. They kept the mid-February date, but because of the population boom over the previous 40 centuries, had to come up with a method of promoting and marketing the occasion. The one-day holiday was expanded to a three-day festival which the Romans renamed “The Festival of Lupercalia.” It ran from February 13 – 15 and was marketed as a celebration of the coming spring and fertility.
In the Festivala ritual, men would sacrifice a dog and a goat and then whip women with the pelts of the animals they had just slain. Women would line up for this because they believed this would make them fertile. Infidelity was easy to identify, and was captured in the lyric of an early Roman country western song entitled “Who’s Been Pelting You Now?”
There was also a lottery in which men would draw the names of women out of a jar and then be paired for the holiday. In this early version of speed dating, if the pairing worked the couple could continue to move on to a longer term relationship. Those in pairings that broke off mid-festival went on to become founders of “Singles Awareness Day.”
At the end of the 5th century the church got involved by naming two saints after the original holiday. Both Saints Valentine were martyred, not because of their connection to the holiday but for their religion. Fortunately, both their religion and the holiday survived. Pope Gelasius I, in an attempt to renew the past excellence of the first Valentine’s Day, removed the Roman rituals.
Through the years the romance of the holiday has truly eclipsed the bizarre rituals that checker its past. Shakespeare and others have waxed poetic and prosaic on the issue of romance. Songs about love have been the anchor of the music business for centuries. Romance novels, love stories, romantic comedies continue to top the charts in their particular arts disciplines. And then in 1913, Hallmark Cards of Kansas City, Missouri, began mass producing valentines. February has not been the same since.
But here’s the thing. When you think about a Valentine’s Day celebration, it’s composed of good friends, sharing good times, enjoying each other’s company with common appreciation one for the other. Whether stated or unstated, whether in a restaurant or local diner, without regard to attire or who is buying. That’s a Valentine that should be celebrated every day, not just on February 14.
Happy Valentine’s Every Day.
Cordially,
“Tundra Timm”
