Momma and Tootsie
Excerpt from Bury Me with My Pearls
Jane Jenkins Herlong
Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas
I hope you like to laugh. One of my favorite things to do is to share funny Southern tales about growing up in the Lowcountry of South Carolina—Johns Island to be more specific. I had the wonderful and rare honor of being influenced by two Southern mothers. Here is a funny and true story from my third book, “Bury me With My Pearls.” Enjoy!
Friends called them all kinds of names: Maude and Florida, smoke and fire, Bert and Ernie, or Lucy and Ethel. Momma and Tootsie were an amazing team. I’ve seen them beat wayward lizards to death with brooms, leap on the kitchen table when they spotted a mouse, and put out fires with aprons. I’ve seen Tootsie drop to her knees laughing after my mother said something funny, and I’ve seen them embrace in tears.
Momma, Tootsie, and I were a superglue trio until I started first grade. I thought my heart was going to explode when I sat in that cage-like wooden school desk. All I could think of was how much fun I was missing. No more watching “I love Lucy” with Tootsie at 10:00 a.m. No more running around the house as Momma and Tootsie tried to brush my honey-colored ringlets that Momma called knots. No more flour fights with Tootsie when she made her delicious biscuits. And no more clothesline tents; the family’s bed linens would just be white sheets hanging lifeless on a wire.
Once Tootsie gave me a good tongue-lashing after I had fallen off a ladder and torn a ligament in my foot. “Girl, I done told you not to git yo’self up on no ladder! Dat is man’s work,” exclaimed Tootsie in her Gullah brogue.
Then Momma grabbed the phone, “How many times have I told you that your uterus will fall out on the floor if you climb a ladder?”
No kidding. If Tootsie and Momma were shopping in Wal-Mart and saw a woman on a ladder, they would always whisper, “She gonna be sorry. Her uterus is going to fall out on the floor.”
Can’t you just hear the Wal-Mart folks on the loudspeaker? “We need some help. We have a uterus on aisle four . . .”
After both my mother and Tootsie passed away, I was speaking in Virginia Beach, Virginia. My driver was an older gentleman with a unique accent. “Tom, you aren’t from around here, are you?” I asked.
“Oh, no ma’am. I’m from Beaumont, Texas.”
“Do you go home much?”
“Oh, yeah. I go see my Mama.”
Now this guy was no spring chick, so I quizzed him again. “Is your Mama in pretty good health?”
“She’s okay, but we most lost her about three months ago.”
“Really, what happened?”
“Well,” said Tom with a stammer, “her uterus just fell out.”
I knew in the pit of my soul that Momma and Tootsie were still sending me that uterus speech. They were also reminding me of our many moments of laughter. That’s what this book is all about: laughter, living well and putting God’s best for you in the center of your strand of pearls.
Momma and Tootsie are the women, my mother-of-pearls, who shaped me into the woman I am today. They made me laugh. Many times they made me snort in a non-Southern Belle fashion. They also held me when I cried. They encouraged me. They’re the backbone of my character, a constant reminder of the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. They also popped me on the bottom when I did wrong. They taught me to live well, to love others, and to do the right thing regardless of how you felt. Their lessons stuck with me just like a Charleston Rice spoon-size helping of Tootsie’s steaming hot grits.
Mother-of-pearl is a metaphor for something rare, fine, admirable, and valuable. We should all aspire to share the legacy of our deeds as we develop our talents. Just like a mother passes down her pearls to her daughter so should we proudly and courageously leave the next generation valuable lessons.
Sometimes our mothers shared “words of wisdom” we thought were hilarious, but eventually we realized those “rhinestones” were priceless gems. For example, right before my wedding Momma said to me, “You know, somewhere in the Bible it says to keep your husband happy. I don’t know the exact verse, but it’s something like ‘for every headache you have, there’s a woman out there somewhere with an aspirin in her purse’” (Book of Eleanor, chapter one, verse one).
Who are the people you look to, lean on, and learn from? Find the mother-of-pearl in your life and pray for that protective shell. Seek out someone who provides safety and beauty at the same time. Seek someone who will tell you the truth in love, a person you trust and respect. Find that person or persons who have journeyed through life well and have accumulated a beautiful, eclectic strand of valuable pearls. Then, model that person.
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Jane Jenkins Herlong is a professional speaker, best-selling author and award-winning singer. She enlightens audiences with her comic relief, folksy wisdom, Souther humor and original songs. For speaking engagements or to learn more about Jane’s books, comedy and singing, visit www.janeherlong.com
